I can’t remember the last time I blogged, wrote, journaled, what-have-you. I mean, I could look at my list of blogs and figure that out. But the point is, this is fairly foreign to me. I know that the last time I wrote I think I pondered whether anyone really blogs anymore. Who knows.
I actually had to wrack my brain to remember whether I had my blog on WordPress, Blogger, some other place. I think the answer is all three and then some.
Anyway, I am here.
Writing at nearly midnight. On a Wednesday. And I wonder what I have to say. Anything? Not really. But I miss writing. I miss getting words out of my head.
I had thoughts of what I wanted to write about tonight. I actually pulled my personal laptop off the desk onto my lap in bed so I could write. And then I got sucked into the rabbit hole of where the heck is my blog. How do I do this again. What did I ever write about in the past. Can I still do this?
I recently read back through actual hard-copy journals that I still have on my bookshelf. Why do I keep them? I certainly don’t want anyone to ever read them. And yet I can’t bring myself to throw them out. They are like windows into my past lives. Reminders of my high points and low points. Reminders that I can still make myself smile or grimace with my insights or lack thereof. Reminders that I continually use a ridiculous amount of first person in everything I ever write. For someone who thinks they are really not that interesting, it truly is amazing how many times that 9th letter of the alphabet shows up in my writing.
But none of this was really what I sat down to write about.
We had a divine evening with friends tonight after an insanely high-stress month or year or decade or more at home. We have had the occasional break and respite and reprieve, but it’s always to return to home, fraught with angst and anguish and so much self-recrimination (and for once, it really isn’t all about me).
It was heavenly to be with friends, laughing, eating, drinking, trying new things, sharing stories. It lightened our load and we came home truly relaxed.
How do we maintain this light load? I know a perpetual state of balance is impossible to achieve. I mean, who lives truly balanced their entire lives? But how do we keep ourselves on the beam more than on the mat? How do we remember that joy and friendship and laughter are the keys and work and stress and hardship are just what we have to deal with? How do we maintain that even keel even in the roughest of storms?
How the heck do I crop my photo to get rid of the crap I don’t want?
How the heck do I crop the crap out of life to focus on the important stuff?
barecupboards 